Another year goes by

I didn’t post on the actual anniversary of Gary’s death but I was definitely aware of the date. It is a date that I don’t want to remember or “celebrate” even though it is painfully etched in my memory. The Modern Widows club refers to the date as the “angelversary” which is a nicer way to think of it. It was a “normal” day for the most part – I wasn’t overly emotional nor did I sit and brood. I accept that I can’t change the past.

I will admit that the holidays are difficult because Gary’s last days were spent in the hospital over Christmas and New Year’s. These holidays now contain the painful memories of those final days and decisions. While I think of and remember Gary every single day of the year, the hard memories coming flooding in during the holiday season. I guess they are fading with time, just not fast enough.

Here is my journal entry from January 7, 2018:

“4 years today – some contemplation and reflection today. How I miss Gary so – but life goes on and I continue to adjust.”

And now the cats and I are settled into the condo for the winter months. I am comforted being here in the place that Gary envisioned but I strive to reach out to new experiences and people. Life continues on new pathways and I am doing my best to enjoy the journey.